How do you clear your mind of past events?

Or perhaps how do you prepare for a game that you may think will be challenging?

Worked a game a couple weeks ago where I T-boned the coach - one of his players received his 5th foul, I went to inform, the coach didn't like the call and wanted to discuss, talk was relatively civil but we weren't agreeing, then I said "I need a sub." He responded, "Well, Ive got a minute." "No. You've got 30 seconds and if that horn goes off, I'm going to T you." (I recognize this was inflamatory and should have been done much nicer but the coach had been chirping the whole game, was doing very little coaching of his kids, and mostly yelling for us to make his desired calls. Last time the teams played he won by 30; this time, at home, he was losing by 10. He was upset.) I got my sub and was 30 feet way with the sub when I hear him say "You're calling a horrible game." I turn with a look of exasperation and call the T. Perhaps I baited him a little but he was deserving of a T before that time. So it was more like "Okay, I'll give you a T if you want one that badly."

I've got him again this week, and another whiner coach, with a rather aloof, rookie partner (I can't think of a better way to describe my partner - he's just not very aware of what is happening around him). Game is coming this Thursday and I'm more than a little worried that it's going to be a mess.

Right now I'm certain my partner is going to kick out the cheerleaders, or toss some little old lady in a walker, or something stupid and I, in my attempt to clean up the mess, will be the bad guy. (Last game with him he tried to kick out the Seminary teacher because he thought the teacher had said something negative.) The AD made me laugh when he told me who it was he was trying to eject.

How do you clear your mind and walk in with a clean slate?

For me, it comes down to 2 things. First, pregame...pregame...pregame. Talk over what situations have occurred and what you might expect and how you and your partner will respond. If you know where the line is going to be, it is then just a matter of enforcing it.

Second, I would make a special emphasis on sportsmanship (it is a POE this year) in your pregame meeting with coaches and captains. Then, give the coach a verbal warning if and when he approaches the line you have set and then an automatic T when it is crossed.

Don't take any of it personal, just be professional about it and do your job.

Drugs. Lots of drugs.

Do what you always do. Go in with the frame of mind that you are going to call the best game you can, that's all you can do.

"When you start expecting something to happen, the unexpected happens".

I made that up, but there's a good quote in there somewhere.
I wasn't expecting that.

This is a tough one. I know a lot of guys would say you should just forget what happened before and approach it like any other game, but that's just not realistic. You can't get it out of your mind. You just have to get through it. Whatever is going to happen will happen. The only thing I would say is when you interact with the coaches before the game, at least "act" like nothing has ever happened. Talk to the coaches like you would any other game, even though you're anxious inside. Make him be the one to initiate any bad behavior, and make no references to the previous game. If he starts ragging on you, do what you have to do and do it quickly. The best thing is that it will be over in about 90 minutes. Remember you're there for the players, not for him. I'll bet you're going to be so focused on the game that you will probably call one of your best games of the season. Now if your partner puts you out on an island for kicking out a priest, that's another story...

Can you get some to me by Thursday afternoon?
http://smilies.jeeptalk.org/cwm/cwm/errrr.gif

More than likely he's forgotten about it by now.

You should too.

The way I see it, you've got two separate but related issues:

1. With respect to the coaches, everyone should start each new game with a clean slate. Smitty's right, it can be difficult, but you need to try. Give them the benefit of the doubt until they prove they don't deserve it, then act accordingly. Don't get caught up emotionally - you need to be the calm voice of reason in an otherwise chaotic world.....

2. The situation with your partner is a whole other dynamic. For any game, but especially ones like this, you both really need to be on the same page. All I can suggest is pregame, pregame, pregame....beat it into his head until he submits. Has anyone tried being brutally honest with him? Maybe a candid conversation with a couple more experienced colleagues would help him get his head out of his a$$ and back in the game where it belongs.

Imagine yourself deep in the forest, completely surrounded by tall trees, no other human being for miles, and the only sounds being the faint rustling of small animals and the tuneful warblings of a few songbirds. Imagine yourself sitting by the side of a beautiful,clear pool on an icy-cold stream, staring into the transparent waters. Imagine seeing the face of the coach looking back at you from the depths of that clear pool. Imagine the look on the face of that coach as he struggles to breathe while you're holding his head under the tranquil waters of that pool. Feel the serenity?

Works for me.

Then forget about the little sh*t, the other coach and your crappy partner, and just go in and do the best job that you can do.

Tony --

I'm like Smitty -- I can't do the forgetting thing. Start over with a clean slate? Not me.

What I've been working on instead is being prepared. Give yourself a little talk a day or two ahead of time about how you'd like to handle certain situations. In the sitch you described, you probably should have T'd earlier. Okay, practice hearing the coach, giving the appropriate response to the first question, then hearing some more and giving the warning, and then hearing some more and giving a T. Think about how the scene would go so that you'd feel like you handled it well. Okay, where are the lines for you? Set yourself some guidelines for when to give the warning, when to give the T. Don't just recite the pat answers, really investigate what's going to happen in the game, and in your brain that will be a clue to what you do next. If you become quickly angry, how will you handle it? Practice calming yourself down, if that could become necessary. Do you need to adjust for a case of indigestion, or a fight with your wife? Set up some variations, and consider how to handle each. Run through some scenarios. Then, when you get to the game, just live into it.

Here's an interesting situation that I got into. The summer before last, I was assigning some summer league games. One evening I was going to go out to watch a few refs, and see how they were doing. I looked at my schedule and realized that I had put the two weakest refs in the whole league onto the two worst coaches who were playing against each other. On paper, it looked like a nuclear bomb on a short count. I got out there and watched the rst of the game. Neither coach complained once about anything. I'd had both coaches before and seen others who had lots of trouble. This was just a totally happy situation. Weirdest thing I've ever seen in my life. So it's at least possible that you'll have no problems at all. In this business, you just never know!

I'm going to print this thread out and read it before my pregame...

Hope I can get past that time of serenity... cuz Juulie's got some great points too.

I can feel the gentle breeze and the coolness of the water... serenity.

That's over the top JR !!!
:D

I had a game last season that was a Wednesday night add on game.

In the Frosh game before the varsity the varsity kids started a 4...3...2...1 count down from behind the bench and cause this freshmen kid to shoot a half court shot with over 2 minutes left in the 2nd quarter. The kid made it.:D

Varsity game starts and karma comes a calling. The visiting team hits a 3 at the horn to send it to OT, and a shot at the horn to win it in OT.

Now you might wonder how this fits this thread?

Because I had them again on Friday just 2 days later.

When we met the coach, I smiled and said, "Let's hope we don't have any buzzer beaters tonight coach." He started laughing and said, "If we do, I sure as hell hope we are the team making them."

Humor, if it fits your personality, may let the coach know the slate is clean.

Here's a twist on your sitch. I have a game coming up with a coach that gave me nothing but crap when I was a new ref and didn't know how to handle it. He was a prototypical howler monkey, made things personal, yelled "I know the assignor, blah, blah, blah." The whole nine yards.

Here's the twist -- He's gonna be my partner. :(

I honestly have no idea how I'll deal with him or if I will deal with him at all. Suggestions welcome.

Chuck,

I think Rich covered this one already....

Chuck -- seriously, I'd talk to the assignor. It's possible he won't even remember you, but you should be prepared for anything. Your assignor might be able to give you some advice.

Well, you begin with an appropriate pre-game (meaning you hide one of his socks while he's dressing). Then move to the coaches/captains meeting where you set the proper expectations by mentioning to both coaches that your partner is new and eager, but not to bright and would they not give him too much crap at first. Keep in mind that the first couple of minutes set the tone for the game, so call a couple right in front of him, and whistle his line once or twice. When a player complains about one of his calls, be sure to hustle on in and tell the player that you'll straighten him out at the half. Once the game starts going to hell, and everybody is mad at him, fake an injury and let him finish it alone. Sit in the stands and write an evaluation to be given to the assigner. Don't forget to mention that he's not in proper uniform because he's missing a sock.

Well, maybe not, but it's sure fun to think about :D

I had this situation happen to me, the coach who became my partner was a very loud, somewhat obnoxious coach, who made a couple of games unpleasant for me as a rook, but I never took any action against him. When I worked with him, I treated him like a normal partner, and since he still coaches, made a point to talk to him about his team. It's very easy for me to create a clean slate and we ended up having an easy game. I think the key is to understand that coaches work hard and are under pressure while coaching that might make them do things they might not ordinarily do, or may later regret. I can't remember holding any sort of a grudge against a coach, and usually once I TCB with a coach, I don't have problems with him again.

I think your response to him when he thought he had a minute could have been something more like "a sub must report to the table within 30 seconds or it's a technical foul by rule." Of course that is easy for me to say after the fact:D

I also don't think you can/should wipe the slate clean. I think you should do whatever you did right to make the coach upset in the first place but be the same for both teams. It might work out that you have to make some tough calls against the other team and the coach will see you don't care about any personal issues. It might turn out that you have to make the same calls against his team and he might think it is personal. Your consistency will eventually let the coach know you are going to be the same every time out. I would also mention that if he does something to deserve a T don't hesitate. Same for the other coach. Finally, don't back down from this coach in any way. Look him squarely in the eyes when shaking hands and answering questions, if you can. If he sees this from you my signature line will apply and he will hopefully focus on coaching his team.

As others have stated your pregame with your partner is vital. I'm still of the mindset that you should build confidence in your partner(s) beginning with the pregame. You don't want him on the defense before you leave the locker room. Promote the crew concept over and over again. A harmonious crew is a thing of beauty! Have fun.

Oftentimes, the situations we think are going to be the hardest to get thru,
the ones we replay over and over in our mind,
the situations we get lots of advice on,
are the same ones that once we're past them we can say; that wasn't so bad. I find this works out in business, officiating and life. Tony, because you've prepared for it, you'll get thru it just fine.
Let us know how it turns out.

KK,
I would have guessed you were too young for wit like that. It sounds like a blast and I might try the first half of your paragraph with my partner tomorrow. Or am I missing part of this ploy? Is it a race to see who can fake the injury first? The last one on the court is probably the loser, right? You know my knee has kind of been hurting.:D

Thanks! It's been a while since anyone considered me young :D

DANG IT !!!
 

They just cancelled my game.

One of the schools is not in session today. Likely due to bad weather (snow and wind) so they moved the game to tomorrow night. I already have a game for tomorrow so someone else gets the grand opportunity.

I have enjoyed the thread though!
:D

Re: DANG IT !!!
 

Well........don't forget that tranquil little pool in the forest- for the next time you get the little sh*t.

Chuck,
For me, this would be easy...
Shake hands, smile and say..."Glad, we get to work together tonight. Say, remember when you were that A$$hole coach way back when?" Keep smiling and see where it goes. :)

I have a question for you. When this Coach gave you a hard time was he an official? Nothing aggravates me more when a Coach (doesn't matter what sport he officiates) gives officials working his game a hard time. They should know better.

He had been an official at one time, but gave it up to coach his kids.

We had a professional, but curt, pre-game. Game was uneventful as far as our interaction. I'm glad it's over, tho.