"Coach, it may seem like it, but I don't need your help tonight. If you have a question for me, I'd be happy to try and answer it as long as you are professional about it. Otherwise, please coach your team."

Another couple bits
 

I would be willing to challenge anyone to blast out a 30-50 word response to a chirping coach.

How can you possibly be officiating during a live ball, paying attention to the action, and say that much to a coach?

Two to three words is about all I can say as I run by.

That's enough. (shake your head NO or give the zip your lips sign)
I heard you.
Sit down. (point to his seat)
Stop. (give the stop sign)
I'll get it. (give an okay sign)
You're right. (shake your head Yes)
Missed it. Sorry.

These other two, three, four sentence dissertations may be appropriate for a discussion but would be impossible to spit out during the second or two as you do your work in front of him. They might be possible during a dead ball, however, some of these dissertations are confrontational. So, don't expect to make them and then walk off; the coach is going to respond. Now the only escape is to suck up his response, or give the T that you probably should have already given.

Hand signals are good because they may be picked up on the game tape... your voice likely will not be heard on the tape.

I tend to feel that if the T is impending, I want everyone to know - not just the coach. I want everyone to understand that the T is deserved and that I'm not just sensitive or quick with the trigger. The coach earned this penalty - I warned him, I physically showed him (and everyone else) a stop sign, and he did not heed my request to behave.

Re: Another couple bits
 

Or maybe add one more little word--<i>"STFU"</i>. :D

Re: Re: Another couple bits
 

Can't forget <i>"RTFM"</i> either.

Re: Another couple bits
 

I don't want that showing up on tape. I feel like Buckwheat when I do the "okay sign".

Re: Another couple bits
 

Do you really do this?

I just don't see any use for telling the coach to sit down or having cute one-liners. Normal communication seems to work for me. A cute/smart remark can open up a whole new can or worms IMHO.

We talked about this at length last night
 

at our unit meeting.

A coach actually called our assignor to complain that he was being belligerant and wanted a T and the officials wouldn't give him one. We spent a lot of time talking about how the officials aren't giving T's to coaches. We are too intimidated.

We reviewed section 5 (?) that says the coach can only stand up to do three things (I believe). Basically they can call a time out or celebrate a play, then they are supposed to sit down.

Now practically, we let them stand if they are coaching. But my partners and I pre-game the three step rule outlined above: 1) coach I hear you; 2) coach, please stop officiating (with stop sign); 3) whack.

Do this ealy in the game when they start setting a pattern of chirping. Generally you know by the second period the personality of the coach and can respond accordingly.

My partner or I have only T'd two coaches in my 2.5 years of high school ball, but generally the coaches around here are pretty well behaved.