Figured I'd start this thread after another thread reminded me of all the comments that come from the stands. So what are your all time favorites? As stated in another thread ("Glasses"). One of my favorites is "Come on ref, where'd you get your license at, Wal-mart?"

T Jones

"Now I see why they fired you from Footlocker!"

ROTFLMAO

One of my favorites from this year was after doing a Girls JV game I stuck around to watch some of the Varsity game and heard someone ask loudly: "Can we get the other officials back?"

Large venue...
 

I was working a college women's post season game in a large venue a couple of years ago and one of my contacts slid in my eye so I stopped the game and the trainor came out to help me slide it back. As we were working on it a voice from near the top echoed, "How can you call them if you can't see them?" The whole crowd roared at my expense.

A few years ago I was at a weekend lower level tournament. A D1 official worked a 10 grade game with a couple of guys he knows. He had just returned from working the Big 12 tournament I believe. Anyway, he made one foul call in the first quarter. A mom in the front row starts screaming at him, "Don't you know anything about the rules of basketball?!" All of the officials watching were almost in tears laughing at that.

I was working a summer AAU Shoot Out. My partner who has worked numerous Stae Finals during a time out said to a fan who was on him. C'mon give me a break I'm new at this, this is my first game. Needless to say I missed a couple of calls because I was laughing so much.

"Hey, ref, don't quit your day job."

Which I thought was funny because I was unemployed at the time, so reffing FELT like my "day job."

College JV game, empty gym except for the teams and about 8-10 spectators, all seated on the lowest bleacher seats right next to the court.

A1 shoots a jumper. B1 challenges the shot. Ball is away and A1 and B1 "high five". Since the gym is empty, the slapping sound is clear to everyone. But since it didn't affect the shot or the shooter's return to the floor, I had nothing.

As I'm running back up the floor, one of the spectators says to me, "What? Are you too short to hear, too?!?"

Even made me laugh.

"Hey ref - want to borrow my glasses?"

"Why - they're not doing you any good."

Hmmm...what was JR doing in Western Mass I wonder?

(good story)

Here's my other fun fan story. I've posted it before, so I apologize to anybody who's already heard it. This happened almost 3 years ago.

I was working a very competitive boys varsity game and the gym was pretty full. In the first half, tho, I could hear one woman's voice at certain times. When I would take my Trail position during free throws (2-man game), I would back up toward the sideline opposite the table. Almost every time, I would hear, "Hey ref, move", "Ref, move over", "Ref, move it, I can't see". This happened several times, until right before halftime she says "Hey ref, move your fat @ss!" I didn't reply at all. Merely continued on until halftime.

Second half, I decided to find out who it was. So every time I was trail during free throws, I stood on a different spot, trying to see if she'd pipe up. Sure enough, about 4 minutes left in the game, I heard her, "C'mon ref, move over!" FINALLY!

I took two steps straight back until I was directly in front of her. She put up a hand to hold me off so I didn't fall in her lap. She was sort of handchecking me. I thought to myself "Ha, I gotcha."

As I started back up the court after the second free throw, I turned around very quickly to at least see who it was that had been talking to me. I see the lady sitting there and she says, with a wicked smile "Ref. . . I had my hand on your @ss!"

I almost busted out laughing right on the court. Probably one of the funniest things that's happened to me during a game.

Definitely worth repeating!

After my partner called a double foul (1 on white one on red) someone yells out from the crowd...

"You gotta call it both ways"

tweet, toss the ball up, white wins tip and drives for layup, tweet, foul on blue.......awe come on ref, call it both ways.

I had a JV level CYO game just this past weekend. Team A drove for a layup, and team B had 2 loud obnoxious fans. One jumped up, onto the sideline and yelled, "Come on ref, you only get 2 steps for a pass or a dribble, not to shoot, don't you know anything?" Next trip down I asked where he got the 2005-06 rule book, as that must be a change that I haven't seen. My partner and I got a good laugh out of it.

I think one of the coolest things about being an official is getting to type the word "tweet". That just cracks me up for some reason.

This one is an instant classic!! Enjoyed this one Chris.

"If you had one more eye you'd be a Cyclops" (Yelled to Mick during game in Dollar Bay)

Working a college game and this guy was tearing into us( sitting right behind the scorers table). We had listened to him the whole first half and part of the second half. We had a time out and our R was at the table checking time outs. The guy yelled at us and the started down the bleachers to the bathroom. As he continues down the stairs he is still yelling and people are cracking up. My partner stops the guy and looks at him and says " Hey buddy come over here." As the guy approches the table my partner talks were nearly everyone behind the table could here him and says "Hey do you know what an @ss wrapped in plastic looks like?" The guy looks at him and chuckles and says "NO" My partner then fires back "Take out your drivers license and look" Needless to say the rest of the half the fans, players, coaches, and us were laughing.

[Edited by refaholic on Dec 8th, 2004 at 11:46 PM]

I'd never try it!! But I'll laugh heartily when someone else pulls it off.

Here's mine
 

After a loud slap for a foul, someone in the stands yells, "Even Ray Charles could have called that foul". I still use it on loud fouls.

Here's one from this week::
sitting in the stands for my Daughters Freshman game Tuesday night, I had to move twice and told my wife both times, let's move away from that idiot (fans asking for calls that are rules in some other game but certainly not basketball rules). I made sure they heard me as I'd had enough. Now it's the 3rd period and we're up by 25, our girls are packed in the zone and our guard tips a pass past mid court, our girls and their girls are racing for the loose ball when a Mom and Dad (previous idiots) stand up and start yelling to the refs; "it's the mercy rule, haven't you ever heard of it? They can't cross mid court." I simply turned around and stated; "that's the mercy rule in rec ball but it's not in HS". The Dad says; "my bad, maybe I am an idiot".

Here's a similar one - you put your arm around the shoulders of the guy and say, "Do you know the difference between an @sshole and a hole in the ground?" When he says "no", reply, "you can't put your arm around a hole in the ground."

3 seconds!
 

Working a boys game in a fall pre-season league. It is also the league where our chapter trains new officials.

One of the players takes a shot in the paint. Misses, gets his rebound, shoots again. Misses again, gets the rebound, shoots again, misses.. etc.. He's in the lane for at least 10-15 seconds before he gets the ball in.

The other coach and the fans want a 3 seconds call.

On my way upcourt I explain to the coach why it wasn't so.

He doesn't buy it, and neither do the fans:

"It doesn't matter!"

"He can't do that ref!"

"He can't stay more than 3 no matter what!"

Then, one of the fans makes a noble attempt to stick up for me. He assumes I'm one of the new trainees.

"Give the ref a break! He's still learning the rules!"

Had to admire his courage, but he was just as ignorant as the rest :)

Here's one: Take that $h*+ back to Foot Lockers

I am going to watch some friends in an intramural softball game tonight. I will be yelling this exact phrase to the ump at a most opportune time. I love it.

Disclaimer: I know just about all the umpires.

After one call at one end of the court, I worked my way up the court to the other end where I heard "That was a terrible call, young man." Since I am 48 I figured that it was either a compliment or he could not see very well.

Wow, this thread is alive again. Someone has been doing some (Google?) searching! :)

Yeah, I did, b/c Juulie asked me to repost one of my old stories. Rather than repost my "move your fat @$$" story for the 100th time, I just found this old thread and linked it to another thread.

To a slightly heavy ref: "At least move around some, you're tilting the court"

I was working a college game in my 4th year. I had a rookie and a veteran official. The vet was on a roll and had called a couple in a row against the home team. As we were about to inbound the ball, "Hey ref, get off your knees, you're blowing a great game!" The crowd laughed, rook and I laughed, a couple of players laughed, vet just shook his head.

Classic.

I've got two.....

I was working at a low level college tournament and was watching on my game off. One of the officials working had been regularly working in the PAC 10 and Big Sky for a few years. The coach of one team was extremely frustrated (maybe because his terrible team was down by 30+ points?!?) and did not like a foul call against his team by the PAC 10 official.

Coach looks at him after he reports and says "You don't do much college ball, do you?" Official looks him straight in the eye and says "Not at your level, coach".

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Several years ago, I was working a game at a Native American college. Small school, not very good. The gym is not any bigger that most HS gyms and the fans and students are right there close to the court. For this particular game, some of the Native American students had brought some sticks and drums and other noisemakers. After a few times that the noisemakers were used during play, one of my partners went to talk to the kid with the big bass drum. I see him talking to the kid and then turn around and head back to the court with a big grin on his face. Here is the conversation between my partner and the student:

Ref: You can't play that drum while the game is in progress.

Student: You can't tell me not to play my drum.

Ref: (puzzled) Why not?

Student: (with a straight face) It's part of my culture!

Those are both great. I still think it would have benefitted situation #2 if he had game mgmt talk to the kid. What would you really do in that situation? Artificial noisemakers are against the rules and so is growing marijuana but they can do that on the reservation.

Young girls game. Small gym. Small crowd. Girl on blue team gsts fouled and shoots two. If she hits both the game is tied and will clearly go to overtime. My partner is administering the throws and I'm near the crowd. All at once this little 6th grade voice yells to the shooter, "Go to your happy place!" That was a first.

Another young girls game. Visiting team shooting two. I'm near the crowd. A voice says very politely, "Hey ref can you move?" I don't face her but have my arm out for the second throw and reply with, "What?" "Can you move? That's my daughter shooting. I want to take her picture." I smiled and took two steps to the right.

Hey ref, can you stop blowing your whistle? My dog has to pee and I need to get home before he goes on the carpet.

This was said during this past weekend's tourn.

A packed gym, big boys varsity rivalry. Steal at half court and I bust my tail down the court, turn the corner and sprint to the lane. Defender, also sprinting at full speed, hits the dribbler's arm and trips and comes headfirst at me about thigh high. I manage to leap, tuck my 45 year old legs under me, and we miss each other. While in the air, I tweet, manage a 180 turn to land on both feet with a fist in the air and the bird dog out.

No fan comments. Just a standing ovation.

Anyone in the crowd holding a "10"?

Similar sitch for me but the defender hits my heel as I'm hauling @ss downcourt. My immediate thought was "there goes the rest of my season" - I spit the whistle, dove forward, slid about 10 feet or so, jumped up, gave the thumbs up to my parnter & continued the game. Actually got a nice hand out of it, along with a nice floor burn on my forearm and a hole burned in the knee of my pleated sansabelts.

__________________________________________________ _________You da man wisref2. I want your autograph. RR

Jeez, Dan - no wonder why this happened. You weren't wearing belted slacks! :rolleyes:

"Hey ref, your missing a good game."
....I know, they sent me here instead. I just love this one.

You want my autograph? Ummm, in that case I won't tell any of the stories that had different endings. Like working an entire quarter with a broken zipper.

I've told it before on here. But last season I had the night off and I was watching a game. One of the officials forgot to zip up and the student section caught it and started a "Zip your fly" chant.

Several years ago I was evaluating Mid American conference officials at Kent State University. The lead official called a player control foul against a Kent State player. He reports the foul and signals for the media timeout. Since there was no long switch this same official had to return to the baseline with the ball to administer the throwin following the TO. All during the TO he had to stand there and listen to the fans in the stands behind him who were letting him know they disliked the call. The teams returned to the floor and immediatly after the 2nd horn to end the TO the stands became deathly quiet and a lone fan stood up a shouted...

"If you don't know the difference between a block or charge then blow your whistle and raise your hand."

The official smiled, blew his whistle, raised his hand and administered the inbound. What else could he do?

Switch to women's mechanics reeeeeeeal fast. :p

Are the fans getting smarter?

We can't let that happen. :D

That is really really funny. I just hope it doesn't get out to everyone because it's funnier when it happens to someone else.

I shoulda been wearing black levis. :)

I would like a comeback response when a fan, player or coach makes a comment, "call it both ways!” The response can be humorous or whatever but I think more of short spoken sentences. Thanks.

Calling it both ways
 

Turn to the left ant call it then turn to the right and call it. :)

The classic is to, when reporting to the table give the foul as:

"Blue 14 . . . 14 Blue"

Then, if you're really a smart-a$$, you can mention something to the coach about it.

Maybe you should listen to him and stop being a homer. :-)




What a stupid thing for a coach to say, I know it's better left ignored but last night I was working a game with an assignor and Coach A who is winning by 12 offers a "call it both ways" comment so I looked straight at him and said; "coach, you need to call it both ways". his silence for the rest of the game was very much appreciated.