Just read a few and thought I'd start a thread devoted to "comebacks" for good holiday cheer!

My Favorite is
Coach: "Ref, you're missing a great game"
Ref: "I know, but I was assigned here instead"

What are yours???

In my earlier days, I called a foul, the coach yells he traveled, I said yes, just after the foul. Sorry, thats the best I can give you.

If we only had the search function...

If you're bored one evening, you can page back manually through the old threads and look for "Davisms". Or did someone say Google works for this?

Had one the other day, (I thought it, not said it):

Fan: Ref, what game are you watching?
Me: Is this a multiple choice question?


My bedridden sister got a laugh when I told her this old Mark Padgett favorite:

Player, after a time-out: Ref, whose ball is it?
Smart-aleck ref, rotating ball: Looks like it belongs to a kid named Wilson.


And my personal favorite:

Coach (handing glasses): Ref, do you want to borrow these?
Ref: They're not helping you any!

Google will work, http://www.google.com then click advanced features. After that type in officialforum.com for site restriction then type in what you wanna search for. :0

I do this for every game.

I wear glasses mainly for when i drive and take notes in class. I can see pretty well without them, but leave them on most of the time. I just can't wear them when i ref because they fog up. So I wear them to the site, wear them while watching warm-ups, and during the captains confrence, and meeting with the coaches. As the warm-up time expires i remove my glasses place them in my jacket pocket and take a look at the reactions of the coaches to this. I've gotten some pretty funny looks from coaches and players since i've been doing this.

I am aware of the irony of my user name,but I'd never wear them then take them off like that.It opens you up for abuse
that you might not get if you did not wear them on the floor.

If you don't need them to do the game,why wear them for the warm-up period?

My vision isn't the greatest but its pretty good, i wear them during the warm-up period to check for illegal items that are being worn, (earring, bracelets, hairclips, etc) The main reason i take them off, is because i was doing a game, and there was something about the conditions in the gym that were causing them to fog up like mad. I couldn't see through them, and when i cleaned them in a minute, i'd need to clean them again. So I took them off, and placed them on the scorers table while i was running by it. The coach of the loosing team lost it one me. Saying that i didn't want to watch the game, and i wasn't calling it both ways, etc. I t'd him up, that shut him up.
If i call the whole game without them, I don't have a coach freaking at me for taking them off before the game starts.
When coaches have screamed at me, they've never mentioned the fact that i removed my glasses prior to the start of the game.

http://www.officialforum.com/thread/6079

Check into Lasik surgery.I went from around 20-80 and dealing with contact lenses to 20-15 and no problems.Had it done 2 years ago,and I have never regreted it.

I had it done at noon on a Friday,slept til about 5 that afternoon,and I could see great.I drove myself to the doctor at 10 the next day and was 20-15 in one eye and 20-20 in the other.

I can't afford that, seeing how my only source of income is reffing.

I agree, you just open yourself up to abuse. What you do is as you tell the coach good game you put your glasses on, on the way out. :D

My line
 

Occasionnaly I get someone, either a coach or fan yell out "Good call ref". I respond. "Yeah, I only get one per game."

Re: My line
 

I say that when I want to acknowledge a mistake. "That's my one for the night -- the rest are good from now on."

not a comeback per se, but we have a couple guys that when we all shake hands and usually say have a good one, or toss it straight or it's coming back, their comment is...hey the first bad call is mine..... kind of gets a chuckle and gets us relaxed and ready to go....

Which reminds me of another good one:

Coach: C'mon admit it -- that was a bad call.
Me: Okay, how many mistakes do you get per game?
Coach: At least 10.
Me: Okay start counting mine, that being number one.

You'd think this was a set-up for abuse, but I never heard another word the rest of the night.

Ok--do I have permission to use these? LOL!

Years ago, I was working a boys game-team grabs a defensive board, and throws a half-court bullet outlet toward the sideline. Ball, receiver, and defender all converge while I'm scrambling to get out of the way. Defender absolutely hammers receiver, and my partner who sees I'm more concerned for my life than blowing a whistle, taps the foul. Coach goes ballistic, "Dave, you can't see that far! 50 feet away! You can't see that far!" Over and over. Partner (excellent veteran official nearing the end of his career) reports foul, wheels around and says, "Ya know coach, on a clear day I can see the sun, and that ### #### thing is 93 million miles away-Sit down!"

It put the coach away for the night.

I forget who gave me this line, but it was someone from this board.

I had a Christmas tourney a couple of years ago where two defenders converge on A1. I called the foul on B1 (her fourth). Coach says, "You can't call that on her, thats my best player!".

Suggested line...Looks to me like it's one more and she's you best bench sitter. :)

Pre game with coach who for some reason actually has a dozen questions about rules and violations. Who wanted to remind us to watch everything

"Coach, your clipboard and My whistle. We Are NOT TRADING tonight!"

I too thought Lasik was the best things since sliced bread as I was also 20/15 the day after surgery. Unfortunately in my case my eyes have regressed to 20/80 and they are still worsening. I had them both enhanced with a second round of Lasik to no avail.

Due to the risks that Lasik presents, the cost, and the possibility that your eyes may go bad again, it simply isn't worth it. For now I wear glasses on the court but I am looking at a new procedure called Ortho-K that involves wearing contact lenses to bed that shape your eyes. You then take them out when you wake up and you can see clearly all day long. At bedtime you put them back in again.

My two cents worth...