Parent behavior--no fee games
 

I always work our youth state tourney at the beginning of the season. This is all volunteer, and they have a tough time finding refs. I find it a good way to get the rust out in some low pressure games. I am well aware many of you wouldn't work games for free, but I don't mind doing it because otherwise these kids wouldn't be able to have a tourney.

Coaches are (almost) never an issue, as one T is an automatic ejection and suspension the first half of the next game. Parents, on the other hand, are always doing the old howler monkey and verbally attacking us and our calls. They sit right on top of the court, basically where the benches are but opposite the players. I have never tossed a parent, but have contemplated many times. Obviously in a varsity contest, I have a much higher tolerance because we are getting paid but since we're doing these games for free, I'm wondering if you guys would have a lower tolerance for that kind of stuff, what you would put up with, at what point you tell them to go some place else, etc. Thanks, in advance, for your thoughts.

For me, if I'm doing the game for free, I'm not going to put up with any distractions. If there's site management, I would have them tell mom and dad to settle down. If there's no management, I'd advise the coach and let him help you.

If this doesn't work, don't be afraid to start clearing seats.

My threshold is the point where they become a distraction to me with their idiocy.

You'll know when to get rid of a fan. Paid or not.

When you say "youth," what age are we talking about? I'm generally giving them one chance, as a group, to cool it, and then I'm inviting them to leave, and the game will not continue until they do.

As others have mentioned, if there's some kind of site management, it is definitely preferable to have them take care of it, or even the coach. Just make sure whoever is handling it know what the expectation is before play will resume. Then stand your ground.

I can be a sarcastic a-hole (noooo!!!!), so I'm sure I would think of something smart ass to say that would kind of quiet things down. It usually comes in the form of a question concerning the rules.

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk

I have flat out instructed them to cheer for their kids, not criticize my calls. Any more critiques on calls and you will be in parking lot waiting for the game to be over and take little Johnny to the ice cream shop.

When I go there, I'm much more blunt.

"I'm volunteering my time right now, and only one of us really needs to be here."

If I want to be diplomatic: "I really want you to be able to watch this whole game, but you're about to force me into a decision that you may not like."

Direct: "I'm about ten seconds from clearing this section."

I prefer saying it right before leaving the area, giving them a chance to vent amongst themselves. By the time I come around.

This is rare stuff, though. It's normally much better to get game management involved. If they fail, involve the coach. If that fails, pause the game until they leave; using the coach as your messenger here.

Treg Lee's approach
 

Just heard this story at our local meeting last week. Former Ohio State player Treg Lee does some officiating in our area and was involved in a very similar situation: Youth basketball, obnoxious adult(s) in the stands. Treg is very soft-spoken but at 6'8 is a pretty imposing official especially when working a kids game. So, with the adult doing his rant in the stands, Treg stepped away from the youngster he was about to hand the ball to and made eye contact with the adult. Treg pressed his finger to his lips, then pointed down toward the youngster as if to say, "Be quiet. These are kids down here." The embarrassed adult heard the silent message loud and clear. End of problem. Perhaps Treg, with his basketball credentials and physical stature, can do that while we can't.
But it might be worth trying. Treg Lee is a wonderful gentleman. If you care to, google his name. You should find a nice story about him in the Columbus Dispatch and a video interview that is very interesting.

A guy I know, ok it was me, invited a grandpa a whistle and a shirt. I might have also said, until you put both on and help me out in correcting all these mistakes you are seeing, you sit there and shut your mouth. Sad how far some idiots take it when it's third graders just basically herding cats on a basketball floor.

As far as your question in the OP, I would agree with others. If it becomes a distraction, deal with as painlessly as possible. Get coach or site boss to assist. If not, just stop game until the problem leaves.

I can't imagine myself working for free, especially a youth game, unless it's camp or a required scrimmage.

That being said, I'm not putting up with any nonsense if I'm ever a volunteer official for a youth game, or any wreck league for that matter. If the coach, fans, or organizers don't like that, they can find a new official.

*I applaud you for volunteering your valuable time to work that youth tournament.
For parents who are "not playing nice" in the stands all of the aforementioned palliatives suggested by the other posters work well and are appropriate and will not cause you any problems with your reputation as an official. Again, applause for your volunteer work.

Thanks for all the input. The tourney is in a couple weeks, so I feel a bit more prepared seeing some other ideas. The tourney is 3rd-8th grade, but I tell them every year the older the better for me, as the sloppiness as you get younger players doesn't appeal to me.

Working with a friend at a youth Lacrosse game. He had a fan who was heckling him. He had a moment and asked the man if he thought he could do better. The dad say I think I could. My friend responded well I KNOW I can be a better fan. At which the mans wife elbowed him and said he has you there.. and he made no more comments the rest of the game....

I work a Sunday girls travel league every year (Grades 3-8)....it's a very well run league and games played at area HS gyms on main floor and aux gyms. Tighter seating near the court in the aux gyms usually...in the main gyms, they usually only roll out a few rows of bleachers so the all knowing folks are further back from the floor.

Most of the guys that ref in this league have been involved for a number of years and there are some guys like myself who coach in it as well. At our HS, the now retired Varsity Coach (who runs the league) makes it clear to parents what the league is about....The Kids.

We get our share of the howler monkeys from the stands from time to time...I had a guy sitting baseline this past weekend, jump up, arms in air, yelling at my partner at trail about a call he passed on at half court during a loose ball.

I'm pretty quick in this league to tell parents to pipe down and that it's about the kids, not them. When this guy wanted to challenge me I simply told him you can cheer from your chair or officiate from the parking lot....doesn't matter to me.

When I work school contests, I don't worry about the bleachers.

How's this? "Let's trade places. You come out here and ref and I'll sit there and act like a jackass."

I'm surprised to hear no one is simply stating to ignore that behavior and just work your game. Too often I see officials getting involved with a loud mouth parent which serves nothing but to break your concentration to work your game. Do you seriously find it so distracting that you are compelled to address it from the floor? As officials we need to have a deaf ear to ALL of the crap that comes from the stands...unless someone is throwing projectiles or impeding you from performing you duties in a safe environment you just gotta tune that stuff out and let admin or other parents deal with the clowns.

Robmoz: of course we all believe that in a game we are being paid for. The OP is asking for help in a game he volunteers in. In that case, imho, fans can simply cheer for their teams and no more. Any crap and one of us is leaving and I'd bet it ain't gonna be me

Special Olympics Unified Games
 

If it's in your area, give Special Olympics Unified Games a try.

Am I right Mark T. DeNucci, Sr.?

There are 2 kids tourneys that I do every year where I volunteer my time and do a bunch of games.

It seems that the parents at the kids tourneys are worse than what I see in high school. It's unbelievable what you see and what you have to put up with when you volunteer.

I echo the sentiments to not put up with it. Just get it over with as quickly and classy as you possibly can. Don't stoop to their behavior.

Wow! An old Davism! :)

Don't assume we all believe that money makes a difference as to what you put up with...do you really change the way you ref just because you got paid? I would think you might even work harder to put on a professional effort because most volunteer work has a deeper underlying objective...if at least a friend asks me to help out I certainly will not try to be a red ass or be "that guy" that feels the need to show up some knucklehead ranting parent. IMHO you should hold yourself to a higher standard no matter the contest.

For me, the difference is not money versus volunteering, but between school/travel ball, and kids' recreational leagues, where emphases on learning, sportsmanship, life lessons. Around here, these leagues have codes of conduct for players, coaches and parents. At a certain point, I would not hesitate to remind parents of the league's code of conduct.

Never said I would change the way I call the game, be a red ass, or try to show anybody up. I said if I'm volunteering my time, I'm going to expect to not deal with any of the "normal" crap. To me, there is a difference. I understand your point and agree as far as the actual contest. But if I am there for free for a charity, howlers can leave as soon as they start howling.

It was implied with my comment that if it's distracting me, I'll deal with it. The more we do this, the less easily we are distracted. Sometimes, though, the trash needs to be taken out.

This isn't about "that guy" and I'm not sure why you're stuck on a cherry-picked situation.

Fee or no fee, if fans need to go then I'm going to do my job and make sure they go. Should it be rare? Sure, but situations are different. Just because one official has never tossed a fan doesn't mean another shouldn't have tossed forty in five games because it was needed.