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Old Mon Aug 08, 2016, 09:41pm
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Paternity leave

Question for you dads out there: how much time did you take off from bball after your wife gave birth?

We are expecting our first child in late Jan/early Feb, and while I don't want to kick back/block all of February, that may just be reality...and I'll certainly live!

But I wanted to crowd-source first and see what experiences you all might be able to share in this department. Thanks in advance.
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Old Mon Aug 08, 2016, 11:23pm
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I think you have to work that out with your wife. Not sure there is a real answer to that. Some people work the very next day. So you have to deal with the realities of your wife and her position on this mainly. Heck do not put your faith in what we say when we are not the ones that will be sleeping on the couch.

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Old Tue Aug 09, 2016, 04:07am
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Well said JRut.

Each personal and financial situation is different, and while some may be able to tell or advise you on what they did or how they would approach it, one size does not fit all.

Hoops is hoops and family is family. You can always get another game, but.....

PS - Congratulations to you and your wife!
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Old Tue Aug 09, 2016, 08:21am
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My mother likes to tell how my sister was born at 3AM and my father was at a contest by 9AM. I don't suggest you do that unless you want to hear about it for the next 40 years.

Oh. And buy her flowers too.
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Old Tue Aug 09, 2016, 08:50am
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JRutledge View Post
I think you have to work that out with your wife. Not sure there is a real answer to that. Some people work the very next day. So you have to deal with the realities of your wife and her position on this mainly. Heck do not put your faith in what we say when we are not the ones that will be sleeping on the couch.

Peace
Well said, but don't expect to be sleeping on the couch. You won't be sleeping at all once the baby is born.

To answer your question: Rut is exactly right. There is no correct answer and you need to figure it out in partnership with your wife.

You also want to make sure you have clear communication with your assignor and find out how they want you to handle it. When my first was born, I had a discussion with my assignor and asked if I should block the entire month to protect against possible turnbacks when my wife goes into labor. He said he was okay assigning me games and I could turn back any that I needed to, but it's an important conversation to have.
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Old Tue Aug 09, 2016, 08:55am
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Matt S. View Post
Question for you dads out there: how much time did you take off from bball after your wife gave birth?

We are expecting our first child in late Jan/early Feb, and while I don't want to kick back/block all of February, that may just be reality...and I'll certainly live!

But I wanted to crowd-source first and see what experiences you all might be able to share in this department. Thanks in advance.
I was never in this boat as I didn't start officiating until I was 37 and my youngest was born 3 years prior to that...plus I started officiating for extra income after that marriage broke up.

But as been stated, there are 2 people you need to discuss this with. First and foremost, your wife. Find out exactly what her expectations are, and work out any differences. After that conversation, then have the conversation with your assignor(s).
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Old Tue Aug 09, 2016, 08:58am
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Talk to your wife as soon as possible, get a sense of what she's thinking at this point. Communicate that to you assigner.

Have the conversation again in a month or so. Communicate the results of that conversation to your assigner.

Repeat at regular intervals between now and January.

I lucked out in that my son was born over the summer, so all I did immediately was dropped summer youth baseball from my schedule... no real loss there. But, had it been during the football/basketball season... I would've taken at least the first two weeks off, because I would've been too tired to effectively work a game, if nothing else.

In time since my son's birth, we've basically settled on a 'two games a week' schedule. Which means Friday / Saturday during football season (with the understanding that Sunday is "Mrs. jTheUmp does whatever she wants" day). Basketball season is usually Tuesday/Friday, and baseball season is usually Monday/Wednesday (typically the busiest days of the week for my assigner)..

Oh, and your child's birthday is going to be a blocked date on your officiating calendar for the next 18 years.
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Old Tue Aug 09, 2016, 09:40am
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I did a football game the afternoon my daughter was born. (27 years ago) Celebrated with my crew mates after the game and then went back to the hospital.

I think my wife was glad I was gone for a few hours so she could get some rest.
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Old Tue Aug 09, 2016, 10:13am
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I didn't have this problem. Junior was born at the end of the H.S./college basketball regular season and Andy was born at the end of H.S. baseball/fastpitch softball regular season.

MTD, Sr.
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Old Tue Aug 09, 2016, 01:11pm
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Congratulations!

I didn't start reffing until my kids were older, although I was playing a lot of sports at the time mine were born.

I think it is definitely something you should discuss with your wife. It also depends on who else will be in the house when you are reffing and how long you will be gone. If it is just your wife and baby, then you will probably be missed. If someone else (such as her mother) is also staying with you, then you probably won't be missed as much.

I used to play in a men's rec basketball league and a teammate played the night of child #5's birth and his wife didn't seem to mind. I was considering playing rec softball the day after my oldest child was born, but decided not to when my best friend (other than her) said he would stop by the hospital for a visit. I'm still hearing about it and I didn't even play.

If you do ref, I think you should take the approach that it is a fun break from your 9-to-5 and parenting duties rather than a 2nd job which you will then need a break from.

On a related note, my other advice is to start saving plastic bags now to put the diapers in.

Congratulations!
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Old Tue Aug 09, 2016, 03:25pm
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When my first was born in January, I took about two weeks off. Then my wife basically forced me to go work some games. It helps also that we support each other in our own pursuits like officiating for me.
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Old Tue Aug 09, 2016, 05:08pm
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My wife went into the hospital on a Friday afternoon. She insisted I go work my game.

Kid was born Sunday night. I worked my scheduled game on Tuesday.

I took two weeks off from the day job, though.
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Old Tue Aug 09, 2016, 06:32pm
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Originally Posted by Rich View Post
My wife went into the hospital on a Friday afternoon. She insisted I go work my game.

Kid was born Sunday night. I worked my scheduled game on Tuesday.

I took two weeks off from the day job, though.
Oh, your poor wife....Friday to Sunday. That explains why she didn't want to see you around at first!
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Old Wed Aug 10, 2016, 12:30am
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Her BP was up. Took 2 days to induce.

I posted all about this on the Forum.

The Forum's been around so long, kid's gonna be 12.
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Old Wed Aug 10, 2016, 09:46am
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I took two weeks off from the day job, though.
The CIA lets you take time off?!?!
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