Player Equipment
 

Last night I was working a girls varsity game. The lead called a shooting foul, so I switched him out and the girls were lining up for the free throws. I heard a giggle and some of the players started backing away from the key. I look around and what do my eyes see? A TAMPON is right in the middle of the key! I yelled at the ref who was nearest the table to grab a towel and he gives me the what the hell look, I repeat it as his eyes go to the offending blob. He locks up and just stands there. The scorer holds out a large roll of paper towels. I went over and grabbed the roll. While I was walking towards the problem, I wound about 50 layers of towel around my hand. (Picture an oven mit times 3) I packed the escapee way out from my body over to the trash can which happened to be at the end of the home team’s bench. All the girls and both female coaches were watching me. As I chucked it in the trash can I say, “I thought these things were tied in better than that!” I go back to administer the free throw and one of the girls says, “somebody’s not wearing underwear” We finish the game with no more escapees. In the officials’ room we’re talking about every male’s nightmare, and I asked the guys if they think the crowd could tell what it was that was on the floor. My friend says, “they knew because when you were packing that thing off, you could see a 6” white string hanging straight down!” I think from now on in my pants pocket I’ll carry a pair of those Trojan gloves the doctors use for my annual physical! LOL

Incredibly Embarrassing Moment, The Sequel ...
 

With the benign title Player Equipment, I thought that Loudwhistle2 was going to post about jewelry, headbands, undershirts, sleeves, or wristbands. I definitely did not see the real post coming. Let's see if Nevaderef can come up with a relevant casebook play from his archives.

Was it at least white, black, beige, or a predominant jersey color?

Hacked ???
 

Mark Padgett: Why are you posting under deecee's username?

I'm "sure" it started out that way, and if it was a visiting team and the nickname was redhawks or redwings or reddevils etc it ended up that way. ;)

I think every official who has worked more than a few years of girls games has a similar story.

The Clock Is Ticking ...
 

Thirty-five years. About 40% girls games. Not one similar incident. Should I be worried?

That wasn't me, but I do have a similar story. I was working a men's wreck game and the two teams came out for the opening jump. I noticed something was sticking out of one of the player's ears. I went over to him and told him. He grabbed it, looked at it and said, "OH NO! IT'S A SUPPOSITORY!" He started yelling. I told him it was no big deal and to calm down. He replied, "You don't understand - I just realized where I put my hearing aid!"

I told my wife about this and she is highly skeptical.

Skeptical that a male would pick up a used tampon even with a wad of paper towels? Me, too.

Not My Job, Man ...
 

Call the custodian. Break out the HAZMAT suits, and the bleach. Lots of bleach.

https://sp.yimg.com/xj/th?id=OIP.M38...=0&w=300&h=300

This! IMHO it would fall under the bloodborne pathogen precautions - get game management to deal with it.

Something tells me a fan threw this on the court. #justahunch

Not Distracted By The Misdirection ...
 

Once again Adam sifts through all the extraneous information and comes up with the simplest, most rational, and most reasonable, explanation. Once again, may I state that magicians probably really hate Adam. Nothing distracts him from the truth.

No plumber's stories here from me.
Wasn't a Baby Ruth

Baby Ruth ???
 

I Handled - - It

By Freddy Krieger

Sometimes, as an athletic official, you just have to “put up with it.” But what is the “it”?

“Be prepared to put up with the worst and be happy when you get the best,” a wise veteran once taught me. I’ve prepared for it all, but I never thought I would have to put up with this!

At a characteristically uneventful boys’ high school freshman basketball contest, I was very happy that one member of our three-man crew was my boys’ assigner. It provided an opportunity for me to officiate and do a good job for the guy who rates me and schedules me according to my abilities and judgment. To handle a pressure situation tactfully and professionally would be bonus points for me, I figured.

All was going well deep into the second quarter. Then … “it” occurred.

As the trail official following the play from backcourt to frontcourt, I eyed a foreign object at midcourt, near the jump circle. It looked like something that could cause injury if stepped on by a player coming back up the court. With no significant play about to develop, I whistled play to stop, called for an officials’ timeout and approached the object.

Was it half a Baby Ruth candy bar? A partially gummed three-link large Tootsie Roll?

My plan was to pick it up and head toward the scorers’ table, while scanning the bleachers for any group of fans giving away their guilt as the ones who tossed it.

Favoring expediency over analysis, I tenderly grasped the unidentified encumbrance with my left hand, suspecting nothing more than a gooky hand full of chocolate as an outcome. After all, as a plumbing contractor specializing in drain cleaning and sewer repairs, I surely handle more disgusting stuff than that on a daily basis.

I distinctly remember saying to the table official, “I’m not gonna ask what this is, but can you throw it away for me?” I dropped it into his open hand, turned around and prepared to signal for play to resume at point of interruption.

Then, just as I was about to wipe the spittle from the piece of candy on my black pants, for no memorable reason at all, the impulse to take a whiff of my hand struck me. And I did.

I think you know where I’m going. It was softer than a Baby Ruth should be and not as hard a Tootsie Roll. Sure enough, it was neither.

Promptly, yet calmly, I called the other two officials to center court. “I think I better go wash my hands,” I remarked, partly seeking the permission of my referee. It took only the briefest of explanations before the crew chief, my assigner, responded, “You’d better!”

A quick trip to the dressing room and then I was back on the court. The game finished without a problem and no one in the stands had a clue what had just transpired.

It turns out the whole thing was caught on tape, both the incident and the offender. In fact, according to an athletic director friend from a neighboring county, it happened again in a different gym a week later. That time he handled “it.”

The mystery now solved, a letter is being crafted by one athletic director to the other that there’s a problem with one particular player. Apparently an effort is under way to take care of “it.”

The best analysis of the situation came from someone who said, “I know you have to put up with a lot of $#*& sometimes. Good thing we had a plumber on the court!”

Looking back, it seems I handled “it” OK. As an official, I guess it’s just another one of those things I have to put up with.

I hope my assigner was impressed!

Freddy Krieger is a basketball official from Baroda, Mich. This article originally appeared in the 7/08 issue of Referee.

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