Howler Monkey Index

[Mark Padgett]

The BMI post inspired me to create the HMI, or Howler Monkey Index.

If you are a coach, take this easy test to see if you qualify as an official Howler Monkey.

First, add the number of times you have actually read a rule book to the number of times you have actually seen a rule book.

If the total is less than 1, give yourself one official point so far.

Then, add the number of times you have yelled any of the following phrases or words at a ref during a game: "reach", "over the back", "no clue", "look at the foul count", "three seconds", "getemoffem", "you're terrible" and "are you sure".

In this case, if the total is more than 0, give yourself another official point.

Now, total your official points. If the total is more than zero, you are a Howler Monkey.

Your reward is that you get to puke on your own shoes.

Oh yeah, I forgot. Assistant coaches don't need to take the test. They are born with an inherent HMI of infinity.