Help an NHL player (off-topic)

[ref18]

Well, now that we don't have any hockey, the NHL players need all the help they can get

This was sent to me by one of my assignors, and I thought it was pretty good.

We need to pull together. Since September 11, 2001, Americans and
Canadians have come together as never before in our generation. We have
banded together to overcome tremendous adversity. We have weathered
direct attacks on our own soil, wars overseas, corporate/government
scandal, layoffs, unemployment,stock price plunges, droughts, fires, mad
cow, SARS, high gasoline prices, and a myriad of economic and physical
disasters both great and small. But now, we must come together once
again to overcome our greatest challenge yet.

Hundreds of Professional Hockey players in our very own nation are going
to be locked out, living at well below the seven-figure salary level.
And as if that weren't bad enough they could be deprived of their life
giving pay for several months, possibly longer, as a result of the
upcoming lockout situation. But you can help!

For only $20,835 a month, about $694.50 a day (that's less than the cost
of a large screen projection TV) you can help an NHL player remain
economically viable during his time of need. This contribution by no
means solves the problem as it barely covers the annual minimum salary,
but it's a start, and every little bit will help!

Although $700 may not seem like a lot of money to you, to a hockey
player it could mean the difference between spending the lockout golfing
in Florida or on a Mediterranean cruise. For you, seven hundred dollars
is nothing more than a month's rent, half a mortgage payment, or a month
of medical insurance, but to a hockey player, $700 will partially
replace his daily salary.

Your commitment of less than $700 a day will enable a player to buy that
home entertainment center, trade in the year-old Lexus for a new
Ferrari, or enjoy a weekend in Rio.

HOW WILL I KNOW I'M HELPING?

Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the player
you sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, bonds, 401(k), real
estate, and other investment holdings will be mailed to your home. Plus,
upon signing up for this program, you will receive an unsigned photo of
the player lounging during the lockout on a beach somewhere in the
Caribbean (for a signed photo, please include an additional $150). Put
the photo on your refrigerator to remind you of other peoples'
suffering.

HOW WILL HE KNOW I'M HELPING?

Your NHL player will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants
to help in a time of need. Although the player won't know your name, he
will be able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator
in case additional funds are needed for unforeseen expenses.

YES, I WANT TO HELP!

I would like to sponsor a locked out NHL player. My preference is (check
below):

[ ] Forward [ ] Defenseman [ ] Goaltender [ ] Entire team (Please call
our 900 number to ask for the cost of a specific team - $10 per minute)
[ ] Jaromir Jagr (Higher cost: $32,000 per day)

Please charge the account listed below $694.50 per day for the duration
of the lockout. Please send me a picture of the player I have sponsored,
along with an Jaromir Jagr 2001 Income Statement and my very own Bob
Goodenow (Executive Director of the NHLPA player's Union) pin to wear
proudly on my hat (include $80 for hat).

Your Name: _______________________

Telephone Number: _______________________

Account Number: _______________________ Exp.Date:_______

[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other

Signature: _______________________

Alternate card (when the primary card exceeds its credit limit):

Account Number: _______________________ Exp.Date:_______

[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other

Signature: _______________________