[ROMANO]

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "NO! I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology, and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?!"

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During a service at an old synagogue in Eastern Europe, when the Shema prayer was said, half of the members stood up and the other half remained seated.

The half that was seated started yelling at those standing to sit down, and the ones standing yelled at the ones sitting to stand up.

The Rabbi, educated as he was in Hebrew Law and tradition, didn't know what to do. His congregation suggested he consult a house-bound 98 year old man, who was one of the original founders of the temple. The Rabbi hoped the elderly man would be able to tell him what the original tradition was, so he went to the nursing home with a representative of each faction of the congregation.

The one whose followers stood during Shema said to the old man, "Is the tradition to stand during this prayer ?"

The old man answered, "No... that is not the tradition."

The one whose followers sat asked, "Is the tradition to sit during Shema ?"

The old man answered, "No... that is not the tradition either."

"But..." the Rabbi said to the old man, "the congregants fight all the time, yelling at each other about whether..."

The old man interrupted, exclaiming, "THAT is the tradition !"

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A woman is riding a bus in the Midwest, when a man gets on the bus and sits down next to her. He's wearing a black hat, long black coat, black slacks and shoes, and he has a long curly dark beard.

The woman looks at him disgustedly. "Jews like you !" she hisses at him.

He looks up at her, puzzled, and says, "I beg your pardon, madam ?"

She says, "Look at you. All in black, a beard, never take off your hat ! It's Jews like you that give the rest of us moderates a bad name."

He says calmly, "I beg your pardon, madam, but I am not Jewish. I'm Amish."

The woman looks back and smiles, "Oh, how nice. You've kept your customs."

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A young Jewish lad entered Notre Dame to play football. At the end of the season, he returned home.

As luck would have it, he ran into his Rabbi at the airport. The Rabbi asked, "Are they trying to convert you at South Bend ?"

The youngster said, "Of course not, Father !"

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and something bout...france..
in a stunning reversal of policy, French President Jacques Chirac announced today that the French government will be supporting the War on Terror after all.

President Chirac also announced that his government will be sending 3000 advisors from the elite Force du Collaborateur Francaise (French Collaboration Force) to assist the Iraqis in collaborating with the Americans while pretending to be part of a non-existent resistance movement.

Five hundred soldiers from the elite L'Abandonnement du Field d'Honneur Battalion (French Surrender Battalion) of the Legion Etrangere (Foreign Legion) are in the process of shipping out to Iraq where they will assist the elite Iraqi Republican Guards in their inevitable surrender to the overwhelming might of the American Armed Forces.

"Eet ees important to be haughty and insufferable when surrendering," said General Philippe de Peepee, the Commanding Officer of the Surrender Battalion, who has personally surrendered in over 200 battles going back to Dien Bien Phu in 1954. "We French are ze world masters at surrendering, n'est ce pas, not like you arrogant Americans who never surrender. Ha, I spit on your filthy American victories."

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and something about farmer..A alien ship once landed on a remote farm and found their way to the farmhouse. Even though the farm couple were scared, they wanted to be friendly with the aliens. The farmer man stuck his hand out and explained, "It's a custom here on Earth when you meet someone you shake their hand."

The alien man stuck his hand out and said, "Its a custom in our planet that when you meet someone new you exchange partners !"

The farm couple were afraid that if they didn't go along with the aliens' custom they might be harmed, so they agreed to the exchange.

Once in bed, as the wife expected, the alien wanted to have sex. Again, she reluctantly agreed. After a few moments, he asked if he was much different than a human, and she replied, "Well, to be honest, you're a lot smaller."

He smiled and said, "If you pull on my ears it will grow both longer and thicker."

So the lady pulled on the aliens ears and it grew as he said. Thereafter followed a night of quite pleasing sex for both parties.

The next morning the alien couple returned to their ship and the farm couple was sitting in the kitchen silently having coffee. The wife said to her husband, "Vernon, I do believe that the aliens really know how to have sex !"

"Well, maybe..." he replied, "but for some reason, that damn ***** kept pulling on my ears all the nite long !" ..
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A young man, anxious for some sexual exercise, picked up a hot little number in Central Park, not realizing that she was a nymphomaniac. He took her to a hotel. After four times, she was still wanting more.

After the fifth, totally exhausted, he slipped out of the room on the pretense of buying cigarettes. He stopped in the men's room, unzipped his fly, and couldn't find anything.

In a panic he reached inside his shorts. His "equipment" was all still there, but tiny, very red and all drawn up.

In a soothing voice he bent over low whispered, "It's all right... You can come out now... She's not here !!!"